


A Light (In The Dark Of The Night)

by LisaB1991



Category: Suits (TV)
Genre: Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-01-06
Updated: 2015-01-06
Packaged: 2018-03-06 10:30:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,230
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3131261
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LisaB1991/pseuds/LisaB1991
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Harvey comes home to find the place deserted. It is New Years Eve, and Mike has been acting strange for the last couple of days. Eager to help him and find out what is wrong, Harvey confronts Mike.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Light (In The Dark Of The Night)

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not going to lie - I am happy I finally finished it. It took me quite some time, because at some point I wasn't completely sure how I wanted the story to continue, or if I wanted to finish it at all. You'll recognize it as the part that's clearly rushed. But it is finished, I think, and I decided to publish it after all. I'm sure it's filled with grammatical errors, my apologies; it hasn't been beta'ed. 
> 
> (The italic paragraphs are from Hans Christian Andersen, as mentioned in the story)
> 
> I'm curious about what you think. Reviews are always loved. Happy New Year guys. The hiatus is almost over.

When Harvey finally unlocked his at eight that evening, his arms wrapped around some paper bags filled with Chinese take out, he hadn’t expected his condo to be pitch dark. True, it had been a habit over the last fifteen years or so, that he would come home to a dark and unoccupied home, but this.. this was unexpected. And he didn’t like it one bit. Something was wrong.

 

With his arms full, he was barely able to aim his keys in the right direction of the dresser in the hallway, and he unsuccessfully tried to switch on the lights, with huge piles of unpacked boxes still standing in his way. It still amazed him how much junk Mike had managed to collect over the years. Seriously, how much stuff could one possibly stow in a tiny little, insanitary hell hole Mike used to call ‘home’, yet fill every vacant inch in Harvey’s condo?

 

Sighing, he cautiously manoeuvred himself towards the counter, where he gently put down his purchases, before he went searching for his other half.

 

Yes folks, that’s right! Harvey Specter was finally off the market; and he himself was astonished by the ridiculously face spitting grin that was constantly visible on his face, ever since the day Mike Ross had agreed to move in with him. Because Harvey never liked to do things halfway. And besides, it was late December, and Harvey had figured no one should be alone, especially not at this time of the year. They had been dating for nearly four months now, and Harvey had asked Mike to move in with him two and a half weeks ago.

 

He loved having Mike around – but he was seriously starting to regret it now and then. Not that he doubted their love for eachother – it was scary, it was new, but it was built on foundations that reached further than mutual desire and affection. They respected each other, and completed each other in every possible way. But Harvey wasn’t used sharing his home with some one else. He had always liked to return to his own personal bubble after a hard day at work – but now he wasn’t alone anymore, and he still had to get used to it. He liked it – he liked it a lot. But there were still a few things that seemed off – not that he didn’t want to live together with Mike, and it wasn’t the possibility that he wasn’t ready after all – he was. No, he was afraid it was Mike who wasn’t ready, after all.

 

 

It had seemed Mike was distancing himself from everyone around him during the last week or so. Donna, Rachel, even Harold had been unable to get through to him. Whenever anyone approached him, he dismissed them with a curt nod, refusing to make eye contact. When Louis would order him to come see him in his office, Mike would trudge towards the Partner’s offices, with slumped shoulders and eyes directed towards the floor.

 

When he was at home with Harvey, he seemed his normal self again. He smiled from time to time, and made a few jokes. He would occasionally nestle against Harvey’s chest as they lounged on one of the expensive couches, watching a game or a movie. But the usual shimmer in Mike’s eyes, the sparkle that told Harvey he was truly happy, was gone.

 

Harvey figured it had something to do with his Grammy. He knew Mike missed her dearly, and not a day went by without him thinking about her. Last week had been his first Christmas without her. Harvey had tried his best to distract Mike from his sentimental thoughts. They had gone for a run together through the park, resulting in a  snowball fight Mike had initiated by the time they decided to go back. They even watched mawkish Christmas movies together, including the entire Home Alone series. On Christmas Eve, Harvey had opted to go and visit Edith’s grave if it would make Mike feel better, but Mike had tersely refused his suggestion. So it was back to plan A: Distract the puppy.

 

Harvey successfully managed to distract his lover with mugs filled to the brim with hot cocoa, crispy Christmas cookies, and hot, steaming sex in front of the hearth. Harvey had wanted it to be slow, leisurely, to make sure both men fully enjoyed it and for Mike to be lost in the moment for once.. But there had been a hint of desperation in the way Mike had moved, the way he had clung to Harvey’s shoulders and upper arms. He had reached his climax with a whimper, and childishly hid his face against Harvey’s chest afterwards, curling his body around him, as he held on for dear life. Harvey had hugged him close, tugging Mike’s ear against the soothing sound of Harvey’s steady beating heart, running his fingers through the soft dark blonde strands of his lover’s hair, gently massaging his scalp. Suddenly, it had seemed as if a trigger had been pulled; Mike had immediately started to shake, breaking into fierce sobs. Harvey had tightened his arms protectively around him, and let him cry.

 

They had held each other for what seemed like an eternity, and neither one of them wanted to let go. By the time the storm of tears had seemed to have subsided, Mike had made a move to signal it was over, too drained by their most recent activities by the fire to feel embarrassed and acknowledge the fact that he had treated Harvey to a crying jag.

 

By the time they lay in bed that night, all seemed relatively normal again. When Harvey awoke in the middle of the night though, a little after 3 a.m., he had noticed Mike’s side of the bed was empty, and that the sheets felt cold. Deciding against it to go and look for Mike, thinking it better to give him some personal space, Harvey lay awake for several hours after that, faking to be asleep as Mike returned and silently climbed into bed beside him, around 5 a.m.

 

It had started to become some sort of routine the following days. Then, this morning, Harvey cautiously had looked Mike’s way while Ray drove them to the office, taking in his pale face and the dark bags under his eyes. He had mentally kicked himself for letting it escalate like this, but he knew at the same time that it was no use. Had they been in their strict employer-employee relationship, he would have kicked him into the next weekend for showing up in such a state. But everything was different now. Because they were around each other for nearly 24/7 now, Harvey had started to understand Mike better, so he knew there was not much he could do to help him get better again. He figured Mike needed time to heal, especially now, during the holidays, the times when families would come together. The only person Mike had at this moment, who was as close to him as a family member, was Harvey. And even though Harvey knew Mike loved him unconditionally, it really wasn’t enough. Not for a damaged orphan who had already lost too many people he loved in his young life. Mike and Harvey were together, yes. But Mike would never be able to go and visit his grandmother again. To ask for her advice. To just spend time together. He would never be able to invite her over to their condo. There would never be a third plate on the dinner table for her. Nothing. ~~~~

During work, Mike’s focus began to slip, and he started making small mistakes. Harvey didn’t push, and corrected them himself without confronting Mike about it. He already had enough on his plate, Harvey figured. But he also knew, that if it had been Louis instead on him, the older senior partner would probably eat Mike alive.

 

It was December 31st at 2 p.m., and their schedules were nearly empty for the rest of the day. The office was nearly deserted, and there were no urgent cases to work on at the moment. As Harvey leaned forward to grab his phone from the corner of his desk and unlocked it, his glance rested on its background for a minute. They had taken a selfie earlier, in black and white, smiling and making faces at each other. Harvey chuckled as he let his gaze wander across Mike’s carefree, youthful face, which only seemed to strengthen his resolve. He was going to text Ray, informing him to come pick up Mike in fifteen minutes. Then, he would notify Mike, telling him to take the rest of the afternoon off, so he could go home and take some rest. Or unpack a few boxes, whatever would work best for him, as long as he would relax and do things his own way, at his own pace.

 

Unfortunately, Harvey still had some rather important phone calls to make, which couldn’t be postponed. He would follow Mike home in a few hours, maybe get some take out on his way home. Tonight would be New Year’s Eve, their first as a couple, and Mike’s first without his Grammy. Despite that, he wanted to make it somewhat special. Not too much, but just the right amount of special. And the New Year would, hopefully, stand for new beginnings. For both of them.  

 

 

With his condo deserted, no sign of light or life, Harvey tentatively turned on some lights, afraid of what he might find, lying lifelessly on the floor, or smudged against the walls. But there were no such signs, nor was there any evidence of some kind of struggle. The door had been unlocked, and Mike’s jacket hung on the coat rack. Harvey was starting to feel annoyed, and dug out his phone, and called Mike using the speed dial function. After a few seconds, he could hear Mike’s ringtone going off, and all his senses were suddenly screamingly alert. The sound came from the balcony.

 

With his heart in his throat, Harvey nearly ran towards the balcony doors, which were nearly closed, and swung them open. There, in the dark, with a single candle in front of him on the table, sat Mike, with a book on his lap. His eyes were staring into the distance, as he slightly leaned forward in his chair, seemingly lost in thought.

 

Harvey cautiously moved towards him, as he tried to catch his breath. Mike had given him quite a scare, and he was more than curious to know what the younger man was doing here, all by himself, in the cold December air. The light of the candle softly illuminated Mike’s face. The tear tracks on his face seemed fresh, and his eyes were puffy. His lips were no longer trembling, but it seemed to Harvey it would take only a little puff to send him over the edge again. It made him feel helpless to witness him sitting like this, alone and miserable. All he could do now was to make Mike feel he was not alone in this, that he could count on him, and that Harvey would be there for him.

 

As Harvey crouched in front of him, tenderly placing both his hands on Mike’s knees, it seemed as if Mike snapped out of his trance for a bit, and immediately recognized Harvey once they made eye contact.

 

“Hey,” Mike whispered to the older man, as he enveloped his hands in his own, and squeezed gently. “You came home later than I expected,” he sniffed, offering Harvey a small smile.

 

Harvey returned the squeeze, and held Mike’s gaze in his own. “I’m sorry, babe. Had to take care of a couple of phone calls, and you know how demanding Williamson and Randall can be. But I came home as soon as I could – I brought your favourite Chinese food.”

 

Harvey was rewarded with an earnest smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes. “Will you come inside, please? You’re nearly freezing to death here.” His request was answered with a curt shake of the head, which made Harvey to release his hold on Mike’s hands, and clench his fists in annoyance, but he relaxed soon after that, not wanting to cause any more distress. Harvey then gestured Mike to move his chair, and Harvey quickly went inside again to grab a blanket to put around Mike’s shoulders. After that, he grabbed a second chair and moved it closer to Mike’s, before sitting down and once again taking Mike’s hands in his.

 

“What’s the matter Mike? Why are you sitting here all by yourself in the dark?”

 

Mike shrugged, and looked away, in the general direction of the candle. “I just needed to clear my head. To think things through,” he replied, and shifted so he could clumsily close the book using his forearm.

 

Harvey’s eyes traveled south, to where their hands lay. On top of an old storybook, so it seemed. Had Mike been reading and reliving some of his childhood memories?

 

“What is it you’ve been reading?”

 

Though the words had been kind, Mike suddenly squeezed his eyes shot as if he’d been punched in the face. “’Tis nothing.”

 

Harvey slowly released Mike’s hands and placed them on the book instead, starting to slide it slowly off Mike’s lap, so he could have a better look. “Nonsense, something’s wrong, and I bet it has something to do wi –”

 

Mike’s hands came down on his with incredible force, his nails digging into Harvey’s flesh. “Just leave it, Harvey,” Mike whispered, his voice calm, but his eyes remained closed. Frowning, Harvey reached out and lovingly cupped Mike’s cheek. “No, Mike. I’m not going to let this go, and if you know me at all, you’d know I would never let anything go, especially when it comes to you. I want to help you, but you need to help me, too. Just help me to understand, please. I care about you, Mike. I love you.”

 

This revelation had the desired effect; Mike finally opened his eyes. Encouraged, Harvey continued, “And that’s the thing about relationships everyone’s talking about, right? Sharing each other’s problems? I want to give it a shot and _help_ you, but please Mike, let me in, so I _can_..”

 

Harvey looked pleadingly into Mike’s eyes, letting go of his steel armor, the brick wall around his heart. He wanted them to succeed, more than anything he had ever wanted in his entire life, and he figured now was the time to open up, or rather to make Mike understand he could open up to him, to confide in him.

 

“You’re going to think I’m ridiculous.”

 

“No, Mike, I won’t. I promise you, whatever it is, you can tell me. I am not going to judge you about your emotions, despite what I told you at the beginning,” Harvey offered him a lopsided grin, “I was a jerk back then. Things have changed. _We_ have changed, Mike.”

 

Mike nodded and swallowed, his eyes resting on their hands on top of Mike’s storybook. “Alright..”

 

“Grammy and I had a little family tradition together; I would come over and spend Christmas Eve with her, and she would come visit me on Boxing Day after I had slept off my hangover from the previous day. So on Christmas Eve, all occupants of the home she lived in, including most of the nurses, would assemble in the great living room, where games were played and carols were sung. But the absolute highlight of the evening, would be when Grammy took the stage. Everyone would take a seat in a circle, and she was the centre of attention, because every year, she would read a fairy tale from one of her favourite authors: Hans Christian Andersen. Everybody loved it, you know? Especially with about 80% of the home’s occupants being demented..”

 

Mike sniffed and wiped his nose on his sleeve, and went on, “Anyway, so each year she would read another fairy tale; The Little Mermaid, The Snow Queen, The Princess And The Pea.. And this year, there was nothing. And I suddenly missed her more than ever, so it seemed, and it was only worsened by the fact that I couldn’t find her storybook anymore. But this afternoon, I managed to find it in one of the boxes standing in our bedroom, and I paged through it, until I took a closer look at the table of contents. You see, she never picked a story at random. She would follow the exact order of the book, so I did, too. The next story she would have read had she been alive, was the story of The Little Match Girl, do you know that one?”

 

Harvey immediately shook his head, but waited patiently for Mike to continue, while Mike reverently took the book in both his hands, and searched for the right page. “Here,” Mike said huskily, as he turned the book towards Harvey to take. Mike sat back once Harvey had carefully taken the old worn book in his hands, with the bold, colorful script of the title staring up at him: The Little Match Girl. 

 

His throat felt dry when he switched his attention back to Mike. “May I read it?” Mike nodded wordlessly, and Harvey began to read.

_  
Most terribly cold it was; it snowed, and was nearly quite dark, and evening-- the last evening of the year. In this cold and darkness there went along the street a poor little girl, bareheaded, and with naked feet. When she left home she had slippers on, it is true; but what was the good of that? They were very large slippers, which her mother had hitherto worn; so large were they; and the poor little thing lost them as she scuffled away across the street, because of two carriages that rolled by dreadfully fast._

_(…)_

_She carried a quantity of matches in an old apron, and she held a bundle of them in her hand. Nobody had bought anything of her the whole livelong day; no one had given her a single farthing._

_(…)_

_Her little hands were almost numbed with cold. Oh! a match might afford her a world of comfort, if she only dared take a single one out of the bundle, draw it against the wall, and warm her fingers by it. She drew one out. "Rischt!" how it blazed, how it burnt! It was a warm, bright flame, like a candle, as she held her hands over it: it was a wonderful light. It seemed really to the little maiden as though she were sitting before a large iron stove, with burnished brass feet and a brass ornament at top. The fire burned with such blessed influence; it warmed so delightfully. The little girl had already stretched out her feet to warm them too; but--the small flame went out, the stove vanished: she had only the remains of the burnt-out match in her hand._

_She rubbed another against the wall: it burned brightly, and where the light fell on the wall, there the wall became transparent like a veil, so that she could see into the room. On the table was spread a snow-white tablecloth; upon it was a splendid porcelain service, and the roast goose was steaming famously with its stuffing of apple and dried plums. And what was still more capital to behold was, the goose hopped down from the dish, reeled about on the floor with knife and fork in its breast, till it came up to the poor little girl; when--the match went out and nothing but the thick, cold, damp wall was left behind. She lighted another match. Now there she was sitting under the most magnificent Christmas tree: it was still larger, and more decorated than the one which she had seen through the glass door in the rich merchant's house._

_Thousands of lights were burning on the green branches, and gaily-colored pictures, such as she had seen in the shop-windows, looked down upon her. The little maiden stretched out her hands towards them when--the match went out._

_(…)_

 

By the time Harvey had reached the ending of the fairy tale, Mike took over, remembering every single word, his voice thick with unshed tears, “She drew another match against the wall: it was again light, and in the lustre there stood the old grandmother, so bright and radiant, so mild, and with such an expression of love.

 

 ~~~~"Grandmother!" cried the little one. "Oh, take me with you! You go away when the match burns out; you vanish like the warm stove, like the delicious roast goose, and like the magnificent Christmas tree!" And she rubbed the whole bundle of matches quickly against the wall, for she wanted to be quite sure of keeping her grandmother near her. And the matches gave such a brilliant light that it was brighter than at noon-day: never formerly had the grandmother been so beautiful and so tall. She took the little maiden, on her arm, and both flew in brightness and in joy so high, so very high, and then above was neither cold, nor hunger, nor anxiety--they were with God.”

 

Too emotional to tell further, Harvey took Mike’s hands in one of his own, as he read the last paragraph, “But in the corner, at the cold hour of dawn, sat the poor girl, with rosy cheeks and with a smiling mouth, leaning against the wall--frozen to death on the last evening of the old year. Stiff and stark sat the child there with her matches, of which one bundle had been burnt. "She wanted to warm herself," people said. No one had the slightest suspicion of what beautiful things she had seen; no one even dreamed of the splendor in which, with her grandmother she had entered on the joys of a new year.”

 

The silence stretched long after Harvey had finished reading, in which Harvey had carefully placed Edith Ross’s storybook on the table, and taken Mike in his arms. “So that’s what’s been bothering you. I’m so sorry, Mike,” Harvey offered, because he didn’t really know what to say instead. But clearly, it was enough, because Mike returned the hug and pressed a kiss against Harvey’s throat.

 

“It’s okay to grieve Mike, and it’s okay to be sad about her, especially during times like these. It’s only natural, and the first times are always hard. First birthdays, first anniversaries, first holidays.. Don’t apologize for your feelings, Mike. Sometimes it’s best to let them out, you know?”

 

“I don’t know why I feel so melancholic, or what made me read this fairy tale. I guess at some point, I realized that, between her death and the moment you and I came together, I felt so lonely I could easily identify myself with this little girl. Even though she technically wasn’t an orphan, she was all alone in the world, as was I at the time. Only her grandmother would have been able to give her real comfort, and she was long gone. I told you once before, that there was a time I only really trusted my grandmother. But now I have you, and I feel like my life has a purpose once again. But still, I miss her. Especially now, during the holidays..”

 

“I know. I wish she were here, too.”

 

“She really liked you, you know?”

 

“I liked her, too. You both share your wit and your charm. It’s a pity I’ve never gotten to know her better.”

 

Mike nodded, and yawned. Harvey chuckled, and helped him stand up. “You go inside, I’ll take care of the rest,” Harvey gently pushed him towards the balcony doors, then turned around to blow out the candle before carrying it inside in one hand, the storybook in the other.

 

Inside, Mike flopped down on the couch, his legs stretched in front of him. “Thanks, Harvey.”

 

“For what?”

 

Mike shrugged. “For letting me share my story. I think you’re right- sharing your problems.. I kinda feel better, I think..”

 

Harvey grinned and offered him a glass of his finest scotch. “Drink this, babe. I’m sure this, too will help you feel better.” Mike murmured his thanks, and took a sip.

 

“Looks as if our food has cooled down. I’ll put it in the microwave to heat it up. Why don’t you take a nap in the meantime? You look as if you could use it, you know.”

 

Mike nodded and slowly made his way towards the bedroom. “Don’t start with the champagne without me, Harv!”

 

By the time their meal was properly heated, Harvey cautiously made his way towards the bedroom, not wanting to disturb Mike if he was still asleep. Mike was completely passed out though, and Harvey decided not to wake him.

 

By the time the clock struck twelve and fireworks illuminated the skies of New York City, along with their bedroom, Harvey crawled into bed next to Mike, and slid his arm around his lover’s waist, pulling his back closer against him.

 

“Happy New Year, babe,” Harvey whispered in Mike’s ear, who made a satisfied sound before turning around in Harvey’s embrace, still comatose. Harvey tenderly kissed Mike’s brow, before closing his eyes.

 

 

 

 

 


End file.
